Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
