I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
