I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
