He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
