my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
