Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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