she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
