It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Be still, my beating vagina.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
