I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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