Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
