I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
