One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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