And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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