Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
