In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
