the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
