DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
