Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
