You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
