Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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