Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
