The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
