I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
