His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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