We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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