Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
