I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
