My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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