There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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