Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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