What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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