somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
