She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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