remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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