You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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