Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
