i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am naked and annoyed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
