I can't breathe out the right side of my face
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
