Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
