Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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