don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
