Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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