RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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