YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
