but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
