Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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