Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
