the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
