sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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