woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
