Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
