It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
