Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
